What better way to celebrate Valentine's Day than jumping into bed with an app that reminds you of one you used to love and enjoying it briefly, before realizing that it's a poor facsimile of your special one, deleting it from your life, and trying to scrub away the memory.
Meet Bubble Mania Valentine's Day, the app that just wants to be loved.
I hate to burst your bubble
Almost upsettingly, Bubble Mania Valentine's Day is a match-three bubble bursting game that feels like it is desperately trying to be the one for you. To do this, it has made itself look nice for your first date; it's cheap (well, free), and is going out of its way to say and do all the right things.
It's intuitive touch controls feel comfortingly familiar as you shoot balls upwards to try to free the animals trapped inside the colorful bubbles. It lets you use all of your old tricks, tapping on any spot to fire your orbs of love, or gently stroking the screen to line up more delicate shots.
You can even acquire additional abilities to aid you should your natural skills fail you. These include extra bubbles with hitch to complete a stage, and the all important tracer shot that lets you place your balls exactly where you want them.
The magic is gone
The problem is, after you initial burst of fun you start to see how Bubble Mania Valentine's Day doesn't measure up. It's bright, shiny graphics - that look like the game you once adored - are actually just for show and the underlying appeal simply isn't there.
Nowhere is this more apparent than with the kitten mascot at the heart of the action. It's a cute distraction, that joyously bats your bubbles around the screen, but once the glow wears off you realize the cute meme-bait was nothing more than a distraction.
What's even worse is that if you truly get sucked in by your first flirtation with Bubble Mania Valentine's Day, you start to see the true cost. If you invest in any of the in-app purchases you'll soon discover your date costs more than the data bandwidth. And possibly worse than this, your phone might end up filled with unnecessary apps that Bubble Mania Valentine's Day tricked your lustful mind into grabbing with the promise of in-game bonuses.
Plenty more fish in the sea
Bubble Mania Valentine's Day is fine for a fling, just don't expect it to be any more fun than that first bubble-bursting game you loved - or for it to provide any kind of lasting relationship.